How did I let it come to this? There are more boxes of Jell-O than days left in Mali! At first I begged for you fill my empty cupboards. Graciously my friends and relatives hightailed it to their local Wal-Marts with shopping lists that resembled that of a panicked Y2K schizophrenic. Cotton balls, Cheez-its, Oust, marshmallow cream, bicycle seat, tampons, Rotel, flashlight, honey, dryer sheets, walnuts, industrial sized can of processed cheese.
After that scavenger hunt came the contemptible workings of the post office. You have no idea how much trouble you innocently cause, box of brownie mix and bag of M&M’s. Thirty-seven dollars for an 11″ x 8.5″ x 5.5″ box! And the friendly smile behind the counter has the audacity to claim you’ll be anywhere in the world in 6-10 days. What false hope! Alas, in 3-4 weeks I find you in the corner of our “post office” and must again pay $4 per box to retrieve you.
The next move is crucial: inventory. No, it’s not just for Thank-you note purposes. I have reasonable grounds for counting every packet of oatmeal and bag of Skittles. Rationing. All items must be spread out depending on the amount of time left in this depleted land. Oreos: 1 every other day. Pumpkin puree: 4 pies’ worth. Cereal: a bowl each Sunday before church. Potpourri plug-ins: 2 outlets, change every 3 months. Reese’s peanut butter cups: emergency use only.
Yet here I am with 55 days left and my system in ruins. I greedily hoarded you as long as I could, throwing out the counsel of my missionary friends who advised me to consume you immediately upon arrival. Instead, I counted and strategized and Ziplocked you up.
With cabinets full and 2 months to go, I don’t have time to eat you all individually at my hoarder’s pace. So I find myself each evening at allrecipes.com dueling against the INGREDIENT SEARCH. Let’s see, any recipes for pistachio pudding and cranberry sauce or maybe olives, tuna, and spaghetti sauce mix?
I give up and shoot the I’m-sorry-I-suck-at-being-a-homemaker look to my roommate-brother, “Coco Puffs or Easy-Mac tonight?” (I love you Coco Puffs, but I secretly hope he says Easy-Mac so I don’t have to mix up some milk.) It’s not limited to dinner. Our sack lunches consist of beef jerky, yogurt raisins, and lime Jell-O. Birthday presents for students and friends aren’t fragrant candles or even cash. They’re Hershey’s bars and bags of Doritos. Anything to get rid of you before your expiration date or our departure date.
This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to savor you on the tough Africa days, let you remind me of home when the countdown seemed too far away. Now I’m monstrously devouring you without regard to my precious inventory. How did I let it come to this?
4 Comments
April 22, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Have you ever tried pistachio pudding? I did for the first time a couple weeks ago. It’s green (pretty) and pudding (yummy) so I figured it would be pretty yummy. I was quite mislead. Just warning you in case you’ve never had it before. And if you already know that you like it, then I hope you enjoy your pretty green goo!
April 23, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I am sure you could find some merciful American colleagues who would be willing to help. Have you tried asking them?
I don’t care for most of the stuff but I could help you with beef jerky and doritos. 
April 28, 2008 at 1:43 am
Maybe you need to send it to all the starving children in……America!!
March 22, 2009 at 6:04 am
hello,
I would like to know if i could use your picture (“expiration date”) as an illustration to one of my article dediacated to webmarketing : http://www.davidmarbac.com/blog/
I could make a link to your website and indicate the photograph’s name if you wish.
i look forward to hearing from you.
sincerly yours
david m.