Praise God from whom all blessings flow for the heavenly goodness in your every bite. Who can warm my heart like you do? Macaroni and cheese, food above all foods. I say your name as if I’m reading a book to a group of Kindergarteners and I’ve just gotten to the most exciting part. Big smile, raised eyebrows, sparkle in my eyes.
But why you? Why now? Why the insane (but flattering) obsession?
It seems that my arch nemesis Evil Change is making yet another appearance in the comic book of my life. You remember Evil Change. He wears that crazy super-villain costume with the sequence tornado (No Capes!). He’s the party pooper usually lingering around graduations, weddings, going away festivities.
He enjoys small-scale attacks on children and the elderly, but is most commonly found besieging adultish Type A personalities. He can easily recognize them with his super-human radar that hones in on people who have more Excel spreadsheets than iTunes songs. People who are more likely to show off their PALM tx’s (which I’m sooo getting when I return to The Land of Plenty) than their own children.
Well, he must have pinpointed an inordinate number of lists, labels, and color-coded calendar items coming from my residence because he has flown in and caused quite a stir.
He has single-handedly transformed Fun!Cool! Amber into Crazy Amber. Fun!Cool! Amber is ok with change. She is superb at packing and organizing. She loves to check-off items on her To Do list, and she creates the perfect “Nine Hours on a Plane” playlist for her listening pleasure. She accepts change. She sometimes even delights in it—like adding corn to her salad or rearranging the furniture.
Meet Crazy Amber. She is not ok with change. When Evil Change crashes into her world, she transforms into a schizo compilation of all seven dwarfs. You never know when sublimely-Happy will turn into get-out-of-my-life-Grumpy or when ignorant-Dopey will become all-knowing-Doc. She does not accept change. She abruptly shifts between denial-anger-elation-shock-depression-bliss-lather-rinse-repeat. It’s not a pretty cycle.
Instead of the traditional therapies one might seek—journaling, shopping, meditating—I, Crazy Amber, have chosen you. Macaroni and Cheese. You never let me down. You are my constant. Joy in a bowl, smothered in processed cheese.
Comfort foods can be so cliché. Aww, you’re sick = chicken noodle soup. That fool broke up with you?! = One gallon of Double Fudge Brownie ice cream. Got some bad news about Grandpa = a cup of coffee. First time spending the night away from Mommy and Daddy = Oreos and milk. The team lost the big game = lots and lots of pizza and beer.
Macaroni and cheese has always been the answer for me. You’ve always been there. Elementary school every Thursday with two little smokies (Yeah, just two! Rip. Off. (P.S. Thank you Samantha Watts for thinking they were too greasy and always giving me yours)). At least once a week my mother made a big pot of it for dinner–with cut up hotdogs because we are cultured like that. It was a necessary nutrient on my plate every Sunday at Luby’s All-You-Can-Eat Cafeteria. One time Xboyfriend had his grandma make it from scratch just for me. And a definite college survival food…God Bless Sam’s Club for carrying it in bulk.
Remembering my first few hours in Mali when I was FreakedOut Amber, I vividly recall warm sensations of home coming from a packet of Easy Mac. When my friend Jenny arrived here without a clue–as most missionaries do–I pulled out the Kraft. On my brother’s first night here, we both cried over a hot bowl of cheesy noodly deliciousness.
And now, as our cupboards are nearly bare after giving it all away, I see 2 boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I see comfort. I see hope for Crazy Amber. I will defeat Evil Change. One bowl at a time.
3 Comments
June 7, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I like to KO Evil Change with a one-two punch of baking and shopping. This week I’m getting particularly fat and broke, but I messed him up pretty good. In fact I’m giving Evil Change such a hard time that I believe he’ll think twice before taking Bryan away from me again.
June 8, 2008 at 4:02 am
Just thought I’d throw out a little math for this poignant letter/lesson: Macaroni and Cheese + Fresh-ground Black Pepper + Red Pepper Flakes + Shredded Colby Cheese on Top = HEAVEN!!!!!
June 16, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Thank goodness they came up with EasyMac!! Attacks Evil Change quicker than conventional methods. I remember Mimi putting macaroni in a dish and melting cheese slices over it. Just not the same but at least it was MnC! I think it’s a hereditary trait…..