You complete me. Break out those mirrors because it’s time for some healthy reflection.
12:00am–Date with 007
All I needed was a stomach full of Taco Bueno and my four favorite guy friends to truly enjoy Bond. Ah, magical! I melt in the presence of tuxedos, fast cars, and British accents. And I progress to full-on swooning when they include Daniel Craig.
7:15am—Apply new hair products
Christmas come early for my newly cut locks. Paul Mitchell is a genius. My friend Sydney is an artist disguised as a hair stylist. And wholesale hair products are forever to be praised. Here’s what I’m lovin: Paul Mitchell Extra-Body daily boost, Super Skinny Serum, Spray Wax, and Extra-Body Firm Finishing Spray.
7:45am—Realize that the new jeans I’m wearing would be perfect for someone 0.8cm shorter than me.
On my latest Gap splurge, I bought 2 pairs of jeans that I thought I looked amazingly hot in. DENIED. My highwater status gave me flashbacks of my Wal-Mart tapered leg Chic jeans from elementary school. I consulted with my 7th grade fashionista students who said they were indeed too short. They may not know how to solve two-step equations, but they know jeans.
8:00-2:20—Work at my real job
Substituting is a real job. Some people argue that it isn’t. They clearly have never subbed before. No time for a soapbox, moving on.
9:45—Build hometown appreciation by scanning Police Beat of Owasso Reporter.
What we don’t put in the Welcome to Owasso brochure:
• Follow Up – reported at PD. She did a report of ID theft, someone bought a diamond ring on Ebay with her information and she just got the ring in the mail. Report.
• Theft Report – Other, Hibbet Sport. Advised she just interviewed an employee who admitted to embezzling money. Handled
• Check Person – Lady at door who seems disoriented and lost, white female with brown hair, white shirt, has bible in hand. Handled.
12:18—Discuss future job opportunities with principal. Walk on clouds dreaming of what my first bulletin board will look like and how I’ll arrange the desks in my room. Return to reality when I realize I’m not yet certified in this state and currently wearing a Substitute badge.
12:23-12:35—Establish life-saving peace treaty and resolve all conflict in Girl World. Big surprise, it was about a boy.
2:45—Finalize Fantasy Football lineup and convince myself that I’ll start my homework in 5 minutes. This has pretty much been the trend since Week 1 when I had my first taste of victory and fell in love with my team. Homework is meaningless when I’ve got a trade pending and a wide receiver with a bum shoulder. Priorities people. Get them straight.
3:00-5:00—Naptime!
5:30—Super Suppers pickup. My temporarily homebound grandparents are now big fans of this handy meals-to-go business that makes you feel like you cooked dinner, but didn’t. It’s also perfect for someone who’s too good for TV dinners but not Betty Crocker enough to make their own meals.
7:00-9:30—Friday Night Football, brought to you by Round 1 of the OSSAA 6A Playoffs. Ugh, I could dedicate an entire blog to football. Friday night I dedicated two and a half hours to the 6-4 Owasso Rams. Wrapped in a blanket and frozen to a metal bench, I watched my last high school football game of the season. Sorry, football makes me emotional. And a regrettably loud fan.
9:50—Role Models…Take 2
The only thing better than seeing Role Models is seeing it the second time with my brother. Here’s a sample for all the Starbucks snobs.
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn’t mean large. It’s also the only one that’s Italian. Congratulations you’re stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who, Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
If only every day were Friday. Gratefully,
A
