MISSIONARY MOMENTS: what kept me going this summer; what might inadvertently end world hunger with pennies

Dear kind old woman who introduced me at my final speaking engagement,
Africa is a continent.  Not a country.  If I had a penny for every time you said “the country of Africa” in your introduction, I would be the richest person in the state of Owasso.  Or I could use all of those pennies to buy you the award-winning children’s book Africa is Not A Country.

But honestly, how could I blame you for a silly mistake like that?  It’s obviously not your fault.  Who is to blame you ask?  Let us turn to the profound words of a famous orator whose widely quoted speech boasts over 30 million You Tube hits!  Miss Teen USA South Carolina wisely points out that,

“US Americans out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our.”

Well, duh.

So lady who introduced me, get a map.  Or just watch Miss South Carolina’s speech and you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.  I know I do.

Thanks for making my missionary moments more memorable,
Amber (The Missionary, in case you didn’t read my name tag)

LOVE, TRUE: definition not found (how romantic, right? sorry if you just threw up in your mouth.)
One of the most incredible girls I know got engaged this summer.  It’s true love.  And we–the concerned friends who roadtripped to Colorado to check out Mr. Right–approve of their upcoming nuptials.  We made the journey with a singular purpose: answering the question “Is he good enough for her?”

Yes! A resounding yes! What qualifies us to make such a bold assessment?  We formed the think tank that created the official Is He Good Enough For You? test.  Cross-Reference: Boredom on road trip to Denver.

Dear Interested Test Administrators,
So, you want to know if a certain someone is good enough for your friend.   Follow these simple steps.

1.    Make sure your friend prepares him for the test.  No one deserves a pop quiz that could change the course of their life as they know it.  Give him at least a 24-hour notice of the interrogation.

2.    Trap him.  Confined spaces like cars or cages work well.

3.    Carefully construct questions that reveal the most about him.  We suggest the following categories: Favorites, Dislikes, What If?, and Would You Rather ___ or ____.

4.    Always include a Word Association portion of the exam.  We randomly chose words.  Very random indeed.  Our selection of Windmills had nothing to do with the mind-numbingly boring landscape of Kansas that we were driving through.

5.    Write down all responses and record them meticulously.  They will be needed for the wedding reception speech.

6.    Assure him that “There is no right answer.”  Generally we don’t condone lying, but in this case it is necessary to put him at ease.  Because, of course, we know there are certainly right answers.  And he better have them or we won’t let him out of the cage.

Happy Interrogating,
Your friendly Is He Good Enough For You? think tank crew