Encyclopedia of Summer: Volume J

JEOPARDY: a daily reminder that I’ve reached a perfect balance of genius and idiot
Dear Canada, (hang with me, I promise there’s a connection)
Here is a comprehensive list of everything I know about you: snow, French, expensive, Niagra Falls, hockey, bacon, useless coins, syrup, Eskimos, eh?  Pathetic, I know.  So when I was watching Jeopardy—one of [...]

Encyclopedia of Summer: Volume F

FAILURE: what I am.
Dear blog,
Please forgive me.  It has been 37 days since my last post.  I have failed you.
Whew, glad that’s out of the way.  I hate confrontation.
So, SUMMER what?  Just a distant memory.  You’ve packed up your Old Navy Bermuda shorts.  Changed that beachy landscaped facebook picture.  And forgotten what it’s like for [...]

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF SUMMER: VOLUME E

ENVIRONMENT, SAVING THE: It’s fun and trendy and sometimes ironically misunderstood
Dear Plastic Target Bag,
I know, I have some explaining to do.  On the fateful day of your death, this is probably what you remember: you were pulled from you cozy pile and opened up when a large Pilates mat was placed inside you.  This is [...]

To Missionary Guilt:

ME, GUILTY MISSIONARY (GM): What should we do tonight? 
ROOMMATE BROTHER (RB): Save Africa.  We only have 4 days left.
GM: I was thinking we could watch High Fidelity.  I need a movie with narration.
RB: And John Cusack.
GM: You know me too well.
RB: So, the Africans dying and going to hell?
GM: Right.  About that….
2 hours later
GM: I [...]

To my hoards of American food:

How did I let it come to this? There are more boxes of Jell-O than days left in Mali! At first I begged for you fill my empty cupboards. Graciously my friends and relatives hightailed it to their local Wal-Marts with shopping lists that resembled that of a panicked Y2K [...]

To the man down the street who sold me the baguette:

Yesterday my temper won. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. It’s not your fault that the price of bread went up 50cfa. It was a long, frustrated Friday. But can I partly blame you for my crossness? The bread was not ready at 3:30 like usual and I [...]