Dear (fill-in-the-blank),

Cory, Owning this jacket doesn’t mean you can pick up smoking and buy a motorcycle.  Get over it.
Dumpster Diving Dirty Santa Party, Best. Idea. Ever.  Here’s what we walked away with:
•    An ornament made of lent wrapped in a dryer sheet
•    MRE…yum
•    Crunk cup from Pottery Barn dumpster
•    Robin’s mask
•    A wet shoe
•    Broken glass
•    [...]

Encyclopedia of Summer: Volume Q

QUOTES: brought to you by the JBU Denver Reunion, starring some witty girls who desperately needed to laugh for 72 hours straight
“If her kids are dogs, what does that say about her husband?” –Sara
“They look like crosses with the tops chopped off or like sideways Tetris pieces.”
“Sooo…a T?”
“I’m retarded.”
–Me describing the very strange shapes painted [...]

To my Facebook Relationship Status:

So I was thinking about the posthumous biography of my life. I’ve already decided esteemed bloggers Jessica and Heather from here will make the best authors (Harper Lee is not responding to my letters or famous Miss Maudie Lane cakes). And while fretting over global warming and the casting of the new 90210, [...]