A brief recap through your eyes, dear Google:
AJ McMath Ft. Worth, TX: Useless search engine. How am I expected to cyber stalk the love of my life unless you give me some results! His match.com profile was a little too perfect, so I wiggled my way into a facebook friendship. More evidence of perfection. I was hoping you would reveal a little more than several pages about Mrs. AJ McMath, owner of the famous racing horse Mid Summer Lark. It’s a good thing I met him for myself…my Mr. Perfect.
Almost 6 months later you’ve seen me search for everything from El Chico Reservations to Driving Directions. You’ve led me to Melting Pot coupons and Texas Rangers fireworks nights, Third Day concert tickets and creative nerd gifts. And even the occasional search for August wedding flowers and Victorian moi et toi engagement rings. Any hints on how I erase that from my search history?
Owasso Public Schools Employment Opportunities: No results. Check again. No results. Check again. After 4 months of hitting the Refresh button: 7th Grade Language Arts. Two interviews and a phone call later…I HAVE A JOB! Now, Google, show me How to Teach 7th Grade Drama!
Glottal stops of the Yuchi tribe of Oklahoma All in vain. Apparently I’m the only one in the field of Sociolinguistics who internet researches this almost extinct language group. I had to look beyond your infinite response of irrelevant websites and step foot in the sweetest sanctuary of a library—the archives. If only every room in my house could smell like old books! Hmmm, next google search: Book Scented Candle.
What to wear to a late afternoon March Wedding in Denver, CO: You’ll remember this was, of course, followed by searches like Affordable Pearl Accessories and Red Peep Toe Pump. My thanks to Hannah and Jon for the opportunity to find a fitting ensemble for their blissful occasion.
Professional Traveler for Hire: Some might have used you to get information about White House tours or the best seats for Broadway’s Wicked. Others might have hit you up for tips on packing for Paris in May or malaria meds to take before going to Mali. Those were the least of my worries. I was busy doing the math: Washington DC + New York City + Denver + DFW + Houston + Paris + Bamako = I’M BROKE. Sadly the closest I’ll get to receiving a paycheck for my city-hopping is the $20 my grandma slips into my purse when I say my goodbyes before a trip.
accut: Just after I get to the fifth letter, you know that I’m again searching for something related to Accutane: side effects, spf moisturizer, drinking alcohol/liver function, skipped a dose, Owasso Regional Medical Laboratory, long-term scaring, and best relief for lips drier than the Sahara. You’ve seen me through a grueling 6 months, but we finally made it! Three cheers for my favorite miracle drug and the search engine that told me everything the box didn’t.
Just as Facebook scrapbooks my life through its pictures and updates, you catalog all my gaps that need filling in, the names on the tip of my tongue, the unknowns ahead of me, the answers to my curiosities, the googles of pages holding the happenings of my life from January to July.
Thank you times a million google,